A Girl Scout’s Guide to Sabotage

We all start out the year with good intentions. By March, our grand resolutions start to fizzle out.  What happened? I’ll tell you what …. Girl Scouts.

Piranhas, I should call them …small, dangerous, aggressive, and deadly when traveling in packs (or troupes). They can smell blood in the water… or a dieter with a weakness for sugar and sweet (seemingly innocent) smiles. And before you know it, your New Year’s goals have been devoured like that box of Thin Mints you just ate in the parking lot.

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I should know better… after teaching so many years, I always have a couple in my class. The year of our wedding (and 3 months before squeezing into that white dress) I had 7 Girl Scouts!

Thinking the adorable little redhead was the only “Samoa dealer” in the class, I naively bought 2 boxes… Then the other half-dozen opportunists decided to “Tagalong” and hit up their teacher for orders. Accused of favoritism, I felt forced to forfeit my cash for 14 boxes (2 boxes per scout… in the name of fairness), $56 worth of cookies… 3 months before my wedding!!!

I might as well have signed up for the “International Butter of the Month” club. Thank God for workout accountability partners.

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However, I am getting wise to these Master Saboteurs. They wait to come out when we are weakest. January… our goals are strong, and so are we. But come February, our guard is down… we feel a high from our month of focus, but the sweets of December are still fresh in our memory. A little Valentine’s chocolate is all it takes to rekindle our romance with sugary treats, and the scouts are there, ready to pounce on our weakness.

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Then comes March; the month of regret. Swimsuit season comes and you realize your mother lied to you all those years when she said, “Oh, Thin Mints don’t have any calories… hence the name!” I knew it was a lie, but it was a beautiful lie that I held on to as I secretly downed half a roll (after my salad) at lunch!

Another year… another troupe that (temporarily) derailed my goals:

  1. Financially– I wasn’t going to buy frivolous things…yet, I unabashedly bought 6 boxes…in a week…for myself!
  2. Diet– So much for the Ketogenic plans! Sugar and carbs (& of course a glass of milk for dipping).
  3. Boundaries– I was supposed to be practicing the art of saying “no” … however, no Henry Cloud book could prepare you to turn down the suppositions of those little girls!
  4. Scarcity-This year, my goal is to live more generously, knowing that we don’t need to live life with an attitude that there won’t be enough. That our needs will be sufficiently met… However, one taste of a S’more cookie sent me into a ravenous hunt for the almost sold out boxes in our town. When I got ahold of the coveted cookies, I offered my husband one… he took a few and I instinctively barked, “I said ONE!” Oops…. Went full on “Gollum” with the hubby (my S’mores… my precious…)!

So this year I’ve strategized future plans for avoiding the Girl Scout trap:

GumptionGrace.com A Girl Scout's Guide to Sabotage

Please, just don’t ask me to share my S’mores! 

  1. Avoid eye contact (sunglasses help)
  2. Pretend not to speak English
  3. Strategize your entrance and exit doors of grocery stores and shopping malls to avoid tables at all cost
  4. Ghost a group of people walking into a store… remember the first one in and last one in the group are the most vulnerable to attack. Position yourself in the middle for safety… wait until the Scouts are engaging with another victim… I mean customer… then “Do-si-do” around them!
  5. Say you’re gluten intolerant (Be forewarned: they will offer you Trios and Toffee-tastics)
  6. NEVER carry cash on you
  7. Carry a plastic bag with empty boxes you bought last year and when you pass your proposition-ers, shrug apologetically and point to your purchases of yesteryear.

Or, you can just enjoy this time of year. Buy a box (or ten) and remember to share these sweet treats with a friend 🙂

Many Blessings,

kenzie-from-gumptiongrace-com

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